Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
