I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
