Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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