ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
