4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
and she was petting her beer can
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
