So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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