at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
