Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
