Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Even my vagina gasped.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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