it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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