physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
