You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
