No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
