i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
