Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
