I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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