Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
dude. I can hear the air.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
