He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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