yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His hands were made for my vagina.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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