I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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