I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
