I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
