yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
