I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
