i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
