i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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