Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
