You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
