its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
