I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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