i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
