my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
