I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
