I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
