I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
