Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Found your dick twin last night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
