I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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