I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
