I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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