You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
