this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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