we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
