New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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