I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
