Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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