Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
