The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
