oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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