dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
