you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
