My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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