She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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